God has challenged me to go on a 90 Day Faith Walk. It is to become healthier in every area of my life – Physically, Emotionally, Spiritually and Relationally. And I feel that I am suppose to share this journey of mine publicly. It is extremely scary for me, to be so open and honest about the things I will go through, however, if it can help someone out, then Praise the Lord. As my pastor says – “My job is to be obedient. God’s job is the results.” === so here I go. **please keep in mind I am writing these to go in my group True Beauty**
I know some of the physical challenges may not fit you, perhaps you have a physical limitation, ower perhaps you are WAY above my own physical fitness…. modify to fit you, challenge yourself to go just a little bit more than what you are doing now.
Also, I know the cleaning challenge may not fit you, you keep your house spotless… honestly, this is my list for Spring Cleaning, and I am just sharing them with those it may benefit. I use to be able to do Spring Cleaning in a weekend. However, I just can’t handle that now, so I am doing Spring Cleaning throughout our 90 Days. Even if you need to declutter a lot, or not at all… a deep cleaned house always smells amazing 🙂 well…. for me I think so haha.
We are on Day three —- each day this week I am sharing what personally hinders me in my relationship with God. Some days may speak to you, some days won’t… I do want to encourage you to ponder your life and look at the things you feel hinder you. Find scriptures to help you “throw/take off what hinders” Next week I will start with feeling unloved and every week focusing on another hindrance. I pray (as I have never written devotionals before or lead this type of things for others to follow) that God will help me to equip all of us who are going through this challenge to really be able to break free from the things that hold us down, and we will be able to walk in True Beauty.
Day 3 – Tuesday, January 6th – Take off what hinders – Fear
Soaking Worship for this week:
Open Up Our Eyes – Elevation Worship
Lead Me to the Cross – Hillsong United
Here’s My Heart – David Crowder
Every Breath – Gateway Worship
Great Are You Lord – All Sons and Daughters
I remember all too well the day I sat on the edge of the bed, tears streaming down my face, so angry with Sam that he was going into work soon, and I wanted to go to church for the worship service that night. The picture seems totally crazy now, how selfish of me, but if you only knew… if you only knew…
What people don’t know about me, is the fear that haunted me my whole life. Oh sure, I had brave moments, like going to Russia for a missions trip, or marrying my internet sweetheart and moving my baby and myself to Pennsylvania to live with a man and his two boys I hardly knew.
But what people didn’t see, was the immense panic attacks I would go through just to walk out the door. I would physically shake while waiting at the bus stop for Robert. My stomach would be in knots while driving anywhere. So I didn’t do those normal mom things whenever I could help it. I couldn’t do the grocery shopping by myself. I couldn’t drive anywhere familiar, let alone anywhere new.
As I sat there on the bed, crying because Sam wouldn’t take me to church for a worship service, I knew I was being completely ridiculous. Sam simply came out of the bathroom, came over to me, held my hand and said the words that would forever change my life… “Honey, when are you going to stop letting fear rule your life? I have to go to work, but even if I didn’t have to, I wouldn’t take you to church.” I got mad and slammed his hands away from me. I couldn’t believe he would be so cruel. We had only been married a couple of months. What kind of monster did I marry anyhow? How could he possibly be so unloving? All reason went out the window and it was all his fault.
I won’t ever forget the defeated look on his face as he walked away from me. I heard him kiss the kids goodbye. I got up and slammed the bedroom door shut. I was being a child. I knew I was. But when I threw myself down on my bed, his words repeated “When are you going to stop letting fear rule your life?” I knew it was no longer Sam that said it, but Jesus.
I sobbed, this time not because I didn’t get my way… I sobbed because I knew Jesus was right. I had spent my whole life being deathly afraid of everything. I couldn’t call to make a doctor’s appointment for my kids. I couldn’t even walk out to the road to get the mail; I made my 6 year old do that. What was the matter with me anyway? It wasn’t the first time I had beaten myself up from the power fear held over me.
“I want you to go to the worship service” — wait, stop the press… what?? ME?? You want ME to go to the worship service… BY MYSELF? I literally shook harder than I ever had before. I sat at the edge of the bed, scared to move an inch, hardly breathing… over and over “How long are you going to let fear rule your life?”
I stood up, my legs felt like jello, I forced myself to the door, I could hardly grab the knob because I was shaking so bad. I opened the door a little bit and yelled out “We are going to church, go get ready.” I walked into my bathroom, looked at the white ghost looking back at me and said “WE ARE GOING TO DO THIS.”
I didn’t put make-up on, I didn’t change my clothes, I grabbed my purse and walked out the door. I didn’t look at John, Robert or Sami… I just looked straight ahead to the door and grabbed Sami and went out to the car, thankfully Robert and John followed me out. I am also thankful that John had the sense to put Sami’s shoes and coat on. I literally shook the whole drive to church. This was my first time driving by myself since getting married. I felt faint, my head pounded, I could hardly breathe… but I WAS going to church. I was done with fear controlling my life. I was done with fear not letting me be the mom I wanted to be.
I parked the car, got Sami out of her seat, and carried her to her class. I went into the service, sat in my usual spot, and breathed deeply… I made it. Why was I so afraid to do all that anyway? I can’t tell you what songs were sung, I can’t tell you what friends were there, I can’t even tell you what God and I talked about. But what I can tell you, is how much I was changed because I forced myself to step out of my comfort zone and do what God told me to do.
Our FOCUS VERSE for this week is:
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:1-3 NIV
I want you to watch this video (copy and paste it at youtube)… this video is super touching!!!! It’s 4 mins short…
Physical:
Drink at least 8oz of water today
5 Squats
4 Pushups
3 Crunches
10 Second Plank
Walk a quarter of a mile
Emotional:
Journaling from the devotional
Finish Top Cupboard if you haven’t yet
o Delcutter – if you haven’t used it in a year, you probably won’t.
o Take everything out, clean it, put everything back – this is my spring cleaning, join me if you wish… and yes, I know it is January… but I just can’t spring clean like I use to… can’t just get it all done in a weekend… so, little by little over the next few months, we will focus on a different area in the house… not to tidy it, but to deep clean it. Most things will be given over a two day span, to give you time to do it.
Relational:
Write a real letter, email or personal facebook message (the first preferable if you have stationary and stamps) to a friend you haven’t talked to in a long time.
Deeper Time with Jesus:
Read this scripture three separate times. Psalm 23:1-6
After reading it the first time – answer in your journal:
What word or phrase sticks out to you?
After reading it the second time – answer in your journal:
Why is it difficult to trust He is with you?
After reading it the third time – answer in your journal:
How does this scripture encourage you to change?
Learning To Fly 